Emotions

Kurt's dad has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He has been testing and doctoring for months before finally getting a diagnosis. All of the unknowns are hard to comprehend. There are strange emotions we have never had to deal with before.

I am learning to lean on the arms of Jesus. I feel him upholding me daily. I pray for strength for Ray and the whole family. I hope we can make good memories to look back on.

New Family

We are one of the new families at church.

Yes, you may have known us as acquaintances for quite some time. We are not new to the area. However, situations at our old church caused us to move on. We found that we felt somewhat at home in this church. It will take some time to get used to calling it "our church."

The hardest part about leaving a church you have attended your whole life is the fact that you lose your relationships as well. Friends you spoke to weekly become people you used to know. Passing them on the street becomes awkward - should I say hi or just pretend I don't see them? There is a sense of mourning the loss of those close friends.

Yet, we have made new acquaintances. Those who say "hi" to us on Sunday. People who ask how we are doing. It is nice to have.

What you don't see is the loneliness we often hide. We see the groups of friends that get together occasionally for a good time. We long to feel a part of something fun like that. It is hard to be on the outside.

Getting involved in church activities has helped us get to know some people. Yet there is still a separation between church gatherings and actually being invited to gather outside of the building.

We are hoping the day will come when this church truly feels like our "home", and we belong in the "family."

Already?

My heart is aching tonight after having a talk with my son who is in third grade. THIRD GRADE. And he is already having to deal with cliques and popularity. It hurts to think that he doesn't want to go to school because of the mean kids or being left out of the "good" teams at recess. So it made me ponder this: "Do we as parents make our kids cliquey?" I have to think the answer is yes.
We've all been there. Left out of something we so desperately want to be a part of. As adults, I would like to think we don't do this to each other. But we do. When we don't want to invite certain people to our gathering, our kids see. They hear. Even though we think they don't have a clue. How easy it is to leave out the people that are different. And by doing things with the same group of friends all the time, we teach our kids that they are the only ones worth doing anything with. Our kids become good friends with our friends' kids. And then when they go to school or church together, they leave others out and it hurts. And the parents of the kids left out have to try to explain to them why the group they so desperately want to fit in with wants nothing to do with them.
THIRD GRADE. Really?

Just Start

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher

Today I realized something. Something I should have learned before now. As the daunting task of catching up with two days worth of dishes was in front of me, I thought to myself, "Where do I start?" And a little voice said to me, "Just start." Really... it's that simple. It doesn't matter where you start, it is that you DO start. Soon my pile of dishes was no more than a couple items that didn't fit in the dishwasher. I breathed a sigh of relief and realized once again that there is no task that I cannot accomplish if I JUST START somewhere. Now on to the toys littering the living room floor...

Sisters!!

Tomorrow Anita, Janet and I are having a sisters getaway in Sioux Falls. Mostly we will be shopping and eating, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is spending time together and just being sisters. Because sisters are the best. We can laugh together, cry together, or just sit quietly and enjoy each others company. A sister is someone who loves you for who you are and you don't have to pretend to be anybody else. Let the fun commence! Yippee!

Holiday Work

When I was little, Christmas was always my favorite time of year. I always took for granted that there would be goodies and delicious meals, presents in stockings and under the tree. Now that I am older and have a family of my own, I realize just how much hard work and love my mom and dad put into our family gatherings. It's all about being together. So this year, I want to show my children more love. I want them to feel the way I used to feel about Christmas. My prayer is that we will overflow with the blessings of just being a family.

is it that time already?

October? Wow. Sad how life just passes you by. Blaire is 8 1/2 months old already and army crawling everywhere. Bennett and Brooklyn have learned that their toys are not safe anywhere.
Harvest is almost done. It is always a stressful time for us as we don't get enough family time for a little while. It will be nice to have all the crops done though. Then comes the manure hauling! PEEEEW!
Bennett is enjoying first grade. He is really learning to read well and math comes easily for him. That is a blessing indeed.
Brooklyn is enjoying ECFE on Mondays and I can tell she has matured socially. She still requires a lot of my attention most days, but some day I will miss it. I have been trying to spend more time doing things with the kids and enjoying them while they are little.
Anyhow, I am looking forward to co-ed volleyball starting November 5. We don't have much of a social life anymore so that will be our exciting outing for the weekend.

time marches on

Wow. Where has the time gone. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve 2010. In 6 weeks or so, we will have a third child. Crazy. We opened presents with our small family tonight. Bennett got a farm set with a Dodge Ram and a livestock trailer and a car that follows any line you draw. Brooklyn got a Cinderella Barbie with a horse and her own farm set. They were both super excited. Kurt and I didn't give each other anything. That is ok with me. Merry Christmas to all!

bike basket equality

Brooklyn received a basket for her bike for her third birthday. It is a princess one and it came with streamers and a bell. She loves it. I have been looking for a basket for Bennett and it appears to me there are none for boys. What is up with that? A little sexist maybe? Boys love to haul things around, too. I wonder who I can email and complain to. I shall do some research and send a strongly worded letter.

Toddler Bed

Tomorrow I am moving Brooklyn into a toddler bed. I hope it goes well for sleeping and that she will stay in her bed when we put her to bed at night. She is very excited about it. I told her she could sleep in her toddler bed when she started going potty all the time and wearing panties. So now I have to follow through. Not sure where I am going to store the crib yet though??

love this quote...

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do, you are a mile away and have their shoes."

To be young again...

Tonight we went to an ECFE gathering where there was pizza and lots of jumping on inflatables. I wish I had the energy I used to have when I was younger. Watching the kids made me tired. Somewhere along the way I lost my unending energy, sad but true. Perhaps it is the dullness of winter and seeing nothing but endless white. I long for spring and the beautiful colors and smells. I received a Gurney's Seed catalog in the mail and it just teases me. I can't wait to plant my garden this year. It is work but SOOOO worth it. The kids will love helping too so that will be a blast. Here's hoping for an early spring.

monotony

I am having one of those days. For some reason, I feel tired and sad at the same time. I wish every day could be a great fun adventure because then I would never feel bored. We are in California with beautiful weather, and yet I am not happy. I feel like my days are exactly the same, just in a new location. It is a daily struggle with me. I know other people feel the same way, and yet I feel alone in this. I don't know how to fix it either. People say, "Just wait until your kids are in school. You will be so busy!" I am one of those people who ENJOYS busy. I have days where I just want to get out of the house to see other adults. I am lonely. It is a complex situation.

hard to believe

This past Wednesday, a high school classmate of mine lost his 14 day old daughter. Sudden and tragic death always makes me realize how precious every day is. That night as I put my children to bed, I hugged them a little tighter and longer than normal. Why God has blessed me with 2 healthy children I do not know. But I know this: There is not a moment in our lives that is not controlled by God. He holds us in His hands through the good and bad. And just when we think we cannot make it through, He gently nudges us and shows us just enough hope to keep going. And really, that is all He asks of us. Life is hard, but God is good.

Over

Christmas is finally over. We took down our tree today which made the house feel much roomier. Thank goodness. Bennett discovered that taking down the tree is not as much fun as putting it up. LOL.

Only 3 weeks until we leave for California. I am excited and yet somehow feel sad that we won't see family for awhile then. The weather will make up for it I guess. And we will be so happy to see everyone when we get home!

I am praying for some warmer weather soon. Kurt has to work outside in the cold all day. I know he gets frustrated. So here's hoping for global warming.

Coffee Grinder!

So I made my first pot of freshly ground coffee today with my new grinder which I received for Christmas. WOWSERS. Had no idea how strong the flavor would be. It knocked my socks off. Will be using less beans next time. I may be up awhile.

We are stuck in the house for the day. Bennett is watching Thomas videos and Brooklyn is napping before we open presents. I enjoy cuddling with the kids when it is cold outside. We are a bit disappointed because we didn't get to go to Orange City to celebrate Christmas today but we are rescheduled for next week sometime. Yay!

struggle

some days it just seems as if nothing will go right. from the minute i get up in the morning, things go awry. trip on toys on the way to the bathroom. spill milk while getting cereal ready for the kids. little things. somehow all these little things turn into one really crabby mom. why do i let stuff bother me? i have decided that i need to make more of an effort to start my day off right - and that means giving it all to God the moment i wake up. it may be a struggle but all things are possible through HIM.

Christmas!

Today we are putting up our Christmas tree. How exciting! Bennett has been asking for awhile now. I am hoping all the lights work. It is always fun at Christmastime. I am looking forward to good food and family gatherings. Yay!

hope

The Minnesota Twins are amazing at coming back late in the game. I just hope they can keep at it and beat the Yankees. It will be hard without Morneau. But they have given all of us fans a reason to hope.

Seems summer has come and gone and now fall is upon us again. Bennett is enjoying preschool very much. He looks forward to it, which is a relief considering he won't even go by himself to the children's message at church. He has a really good pal, Dawson Rieck, whom he plays with there. I am glad he has a friend who will be with him in Kindergarten next year as well.

I have been craving soup lately and tried a new recipe called Chicken Tomato Bisque. It was pretty good. Next to try is chickpea and pasta soup. Mmmm.

referree

I have come to the conclusion that my life's occupation is referree. It seems I spend all day dealing with conflicts between my 2 children. Fights break out over simple things. "Mom, she's in my toy room!" Oh no! Brooklyn is standing in your toy room? How awful! She might look at you!

On the upside, I am looking forward to Thursday. Kurt's mom has offered to have both my kids that day so I can have a ME day. Wonderful and exciting! I will thank her many times for this. I love my kids, but once in a while I need a short break.

Labor Day was fun. Went to Loon Island at Shetek State Park and walked with the kids. Very relaxing and great scenery. We saw a ton of deer wandering around too. Then we ate at Slayton Pizza Ranch and were disappointed because we did NOT get our money's worth at the buffet. They struggled all night and blamed it on the to-go orders. Come on, we are important too. Then I went to get coffee to go and the Decaf Dan was full of coffee grounds. Since I prefer not to chew my coffee, I went with Hazelnut, which was luke warm. Argh.